3 Signs You’re Experiencing a Trauma Bond

A trauma bond refers to a deep connection between two individuals — a victim and an abuser. Typically, this kind of bond occurs in romantic relationships when those two individuals are around each other frequently. Trauma bonding impacts nearly everything about a relationship, largely because of how the victim feels. 

The victim in a trauma bond will often develop empathy and sympathy for their abuser. They’ll be extremely affectionate, and the abuser will take full advantage of it. 

Trauma bonds typically occur due to childhood attachment issues. If your attachment was somehow disrupted in childhood, you’re more likely to be “attracted” to think kind of relationship, and it can have devastating results. 

There’s a misconception that trauma bonding occurs when you end up with someone who has also gone through trauma, and you can share your experiences with them. That’s not an accurate description, and it’s important to know what a real trauma bond looks like so you can free yourself. 

Let’s take a look at a few signs that you’re experiencing a trauma bond and what you can do to find help.

1. You Overlook Abuse

Being in a relationship where trauma bonding is strong doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t recognize there are problems. You might be fully aware that you’re being emotionally or physically mistreated. 

But, a big part of trauma-bonded relationships is love bombing. This occurs when the abuser showers the victim with love, attention, and affection. Who wouldn’t want that? But it’s a tactical approach. It often causes victims to overlook the abuse and the negative aspects of their relationship because they want to re-experience love bombing and feel that kind of attention and affection again.

This type of cycle can make it easy to overlook a lot of red flags, which is great for the abuser but can have extremely negative consequences for the victim.

2. Others Have Noticed

It’s common for the victim to cover up abuse however they can. They might make up excuses for their abuser. They might lie to friends and family. Sound familiar? Some victims even start to adopt their abuser’s viewpoint about themselves. Maybe the person you’re in a relationship with has convinced you that you’re the problem or that you are the reason they lose control. 

But, no matter how much you try to cover things up, it usually doesn’t take much for friends and family members to notice there’s a problem. Unfortunately, if your abuser learns about this, they might be quick to try to convince you that those people are your enemies. That’s another clear sign that you’re trauma bonding. 

3. You Can’t Imagine Leaving

Does the thought of leaving your partner overwhelm and frighten you? Do you find yourself doing whatever you can to make sure they stay in the relationship? Trauma bonding can become so intense that it makes you feel like you can’t go on without your partner. 

It’s different from a codependent relationship, but it can cause you to become hyper-focused on all of your abuser’s needs. You’ll focus on doing everything for them, even at the expense of your own health or happiness. When they pay you a small compliment or show even the slightest bit of kindness, your gratitude is exaggerated, and you find yourself wanting to do even more so you can receive more of that kindness.

Being in a trauma-bonded relationship is dangerous and unhealthy. Make sure you’re paying attention to these signs, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you’re experiencing any of them. It can be scary to “get out” of the relationship, so seeking support is the bravest first step you can take. 

If you’re interested in learning more or you’re ready to break free, feel free to contact me to set up an appointment.