Why Does Grief Come in Waves?
Unfortunately, everyone will experience grief at some point in life. Grief is a normal reaction to any type of loss, such as the death of a friend or loved one, job loss, or the ending of a relationship, to name a few.
According to the American Psychological Association, grief often can include confusion, physiological distress, yearning, ruminating on the past, apprehension towards the future, or separation anxiety. It can also take the shape of regret over something lost or done.
Because grief impacts everyone differently, it’s important to understand grief as a whole. This includes knowing the types of grief and signs that someone will be struggling. It’s also important to understand how and why grief comes in waves.
Why Grief Comes in Waves
Grief comes in waves because you oscillate between two forms of life: the life you had before loss and the life you now have to live. You now have new patterns and habits, but the old ones can still pop up. This new dynamic is difficult to adjust to, and unforeseen reminders can pull you down like an undertow.
Many people can go days, weeks, or even months without feeling sad or immense grief after a loss. Then, all of a sudden, you’re hit with something that makes you feel sad or overwhelmed about your loss. It’s hard to accept a new reality after a loss. It’s also normal to wonder what-ifs and how you could’ve changed or stopped things.
Everyday life can be a trigger. It’s easy to feel like you’ve moved on when something that triggers you can bring the feelings of grief right back. What’s important to know is that with the help of others, you can and will get through it.
Signs of Grief
Grief can manifest itself in many ways, almost always varying from person to person and from one situation to another. You may find yourself experiencing a wide range of symptoms, including:
Feeling immense sadness
Uncontrollable emotions, including anger, confusion, crying, or sadness
Going through the motions and feeling numb
Feeling removed from daily tasks and life, including things you used to enjoy
Being unable to eat or take care of yourself physically
Sleeping too much or not being able to sleep at all
Difficulty focusing
Understanding Types of Grief
You can get yourself on the best path forward with the tools and resources that work best for you once you’re able to understand what you’re working through. The types of grief below are some of the most common forms people experience.
Abbreviated grief
This occurs if someone quickly moves through the grieving process. Sometimes, grief and working through loss takes less time than others, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t or don’t care. Moving through grief does not make you a bad person.
Anticipatory grief
If a loved one has a terminal illness or loss is on the horizon, you can mentally prepare for the life event. When this happens, you’re starting the grieving process early and ahead of the loss occurring.
Cumulated grief
Unfortunately, sometimes losses occur at the same time or one right after another. It can feel like grief and loss are neverending and like everything is piling on.
Delayed grief
For some people, grief can occur long after a negative life event. It can occur hours, days, weeks, months, or even years after loss. The shock of what’s happened can put you into autopilot mode to get through things. When that happens, your mind and body are telling you to handle what you need to before realizing the impact of the loss. Once you’ve handled things, you can properly grieve.
If you’re struggling with grief after loss, talking to a counselor can help. Please reach out today to learn more about grief counseling.